I watched the movie RENT with my daughters today

My kids have a fairly open mind, especially my oldest who is 15. My oldest dtr just loves the movie and has several of its songs on her Ipod. My children do not know my gay leanings. Not the time yet, if ever. However, we can talk about alternative lifestyles fairly openly. My oldest dtr and I discuss the film, the messages and meanings, and the songs the most. Actually, we have watched it a couple times together. Today was a little different. One of the main characters is Angel, a Hispanic, openly gay man. In the movie, Angel is dying and dies from AIDS...with his male partner being at his side and then grieving the loss. It was one of the first times that I broke down a little bit in tears in front of my children...for I related to the death of Angel and pain felt in his partner, Tom. I had a long time family friend as a teen who came out then, was very open but masculine, and was even in my own wedding party later in our lives. He caught AIDS because he was a player for a long time...until he settled with his true LTR partner. After acquiring AIDS, he relocated to another city...for he did not wish for his family and friends to witness his physical decline. My friend died in another city, not giving out his address to anyone. When Angel dies in the movie and then at the funeral where Tom sings out his grief in the church, It just pulled up and out my old pain...right in front of my kids. I didn't boohoo...but, I did become very teary eyed and choked up to the point that I couldn't speak. My oldest dtr definately noticed me, didn't know what to make of it and asked, "Are you OK, Dad?" After I quickly composed myself, I told my kids that I did have a very good gay friend who did die from AIDS many years ago. And that I regret to this day not being at his side to hold him then, my friend, when I felt I and he needed each other the most. The grief after all these years simply overwhelmed me, choked me up, and surprising me today...for he died in 1994. But, I respected his wishes then, we all did...to die simply in his partner's arms. So, the film had an impact on me in this way today...for it touched me deeply...seeing Angel in his dying and the impact of his loss on others. Being good kids that they are, they respected Dad in his moment of his own personal grief and his explanation. We didn't discuss it all that much further, but continued to enjoy the rest of the film...singing the songs together. I have no doubt that I will be making several posts on this film...my thoughts, my personal feelings, and its impact upon me...for there are many wonderful messages/themes in it. I just had to share this today.

To my buddy who died in 1994....my arms were embracing you today as I shared some of my tears over you. My continued love is out to you, my friend...for I missed you terribly today.